As humans, we are chasers. We chase the dollar. The grade. The success. The promotion. The popularity. The new car. The esteem of others. The bigger house. The shorter work week. Any chance at being on top, we chase it. Some of us, to a fault. We become tunnel vision while we seek it. We feel the hole of the missing thing while we don’t have it and it absolutely panics us. It extinguishes our joy over so much of our other successes.
We cannot feel the successes because we are so busy chasing things. Do an experiment. Try running and singing all at once. You don’t have to be going anywhere in particular. Try it by running in place. No matter how winded and divided you feel, don’t stop. Chances are no matter how in shape you are or how well you sing,you won’t be able to do the both of them very long. Your mind will begin to wander and as you focus on one thing the other will suffer. While belting the lyrics out, eventually, as you get lost in song (don’t we all) it will be harder to stay upright than when you first started the jog. If you focus on the jogging, eventually you will stop singing. But wait there is more…if I start to toss things in your lap at the same time, something has got to give and will suffer. Eventually your brain will overload, and you will stop all together at least for a moment while your brain attempts to sort and reset. Just as with our example, in life the same holds true. As we focus on whatever pursuit we are chasing other things suffer.
It seems from mid teen years through our adult years, we are constantly chasing. Look to the start of this blog if you need help identifying what is chased. For many of us, ok women, our black holes is the pursuit of men. As we reach a certain age, we more interested in them. We are conditioned to believe that we have very little value if we aren’t noticed by them. If we aren’t pursued by them. If we cannot hold their attention beyond a glance. So we contort ourselves every which way to do and say the things that will catch an eye. That will make “him” like us. That will make us unique and worthy. Interesting. Claim able. While it seems that men generally get the message to “be the best” ,women seem to get the message, “be the best for him” so that you can edge out your real or imagined competition. We develop skills to be used later that maybe if we have free reign, wouldn’t interest us at all. Don’t get me wrong, I love to cook, but it was always framed by family not to learn it because I simply loved it, but because it would later find a way to some mans heart. Know how to do laundry not only because you will be able to make your own clothes nice, but will eventually be good for all of his as well….you get the idea.
This applies not only to relationships with men, but with our general social circles and acceptance no matter our sex. Somehow this pressure seems to poison all the greatness that could be ours. Instead of enjoying life and feeling happy with our achievements, we are clawing ahead for what we think the sunlight of success will eventually feel like – if we ever get there. We pour a ton of energy into fear and anxiety. To beating ourselves up. To counting our failures and shortcomings. How heartily we are sucking at this whole. How if someone else were given this life they’d do it better.
I beg of you STOP. Stop chasing the coat tails of everyone else. Stop beating yourself up. Chase nothing but your own greatness. Pour at least 10 minutes a day into counting the ways you rock. Think of the way the world is better because you are in it? Don’t waste energy on chasing wisps of should of and could ofs. The universe put magic there. They make no mistakes. They knew who they were giving it to when they passed it to you. You are strong and brave. You are bright. Meditate on this. Quiet your spirit and stop chasing …the money…the job…the esteem. Breathe. Speak goodness and light. Bravery. Hope. Joy. Before you know it, those things you’ve been breaking your neck for for years will be right at your fingertips.