Drowning in the Shallow End…of self doubt

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I don’t know how long it has been since you learned how to swim, but I’m hedging my bet that if it’s been at any point in your life, you had a moment just like the little one above.  And if you don’t know how to swim yet, it’s probably because you fear a moment like the one above happening to you.

It paralyzes you. It consumes you.  It removes any of the fun that you might have thought this activity would bring to you.  It turns a day of sun and water into a day of terror – and often into one you thought might be your last.  You can’t hear your Mom, Dad, Babysitter, Brother,  Sister or whomever is your waterbound sidekick shouting at you to put your feet down. You just cannot hear them.

It’s like your sanity escapes you and disappears into a magic black hole – ready to claim you, your grand dreams, your kernel of belief and bravery.We have simply lost.  The water could be 10 ft deep, knee deep or a thimble full.  It is all consuming.  It’s amazing what the human mind can do to swallow itself.  The panic or phobia can make a mind movie that plays out as real as the hands that I’m typing with at the present moment.  For each of us, this irrational beast visits for different reasons and at different times.  For many of us, there is no rhyme or reason — we can’t trace the origin or take a magic pill to erase it.

Suddenly, we are put in a situation to trust ourselves and we can’t do it.  We trust the pilot to fly across the world, the Uber driver to get us across town or the waitress to get our food to us.   And yet, we can’t have that same faith in that kernel of ourselves that helps us navigate this place.  Somehow, the voice closest to our heart is the quietest.  It is hoarse beyond recognition.  Somehow it’s like the others have a megaphone (provided by the subconscious if it has to do with doubt, fear, or anger) and someone hit a mute on button on the thing we need to hear most.  Perhaps it would work best for us if we realized that “we” didn’t put whatever that bit of us in there — “they” did.  Whomever you to believe that “they” to be God, Buddha, Allah, the straight up and general “Universe”.  “They” believed you to be a worthy, responsible, and gentle steward of it.  They believe you are the one unique and qualified keeper.  Trust them in that.  Do right by them in that. Stand up in the shallow end of your self doubt and be brave enough to truly live.

 

 

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