Whenever I have a moment where I absolutely feel that I am losing my marbles, I jokingly say that my cheese is sliding off of my cracker. We’ve all had those moments I am quite sure — though they manifest because of different catalysts. Perhaps for you it’s financial or work stressors. Crazy kids, forgotten or unknown projects, just general crazy-hit-your-sister-and run rants, oversleepers or non-sleepers. Plans that get made, cancelled, remade, and cancelled again. It can affect us all and make us hit the wall that makes us unable to breathe. To find the way to put the left in front of the right. That, as hurt, bubbles over as anger that puts a cherry on top by being directed at the wrong person or people and can complicate your already strangling situation.
I had one of those nights the other night. The kind where the ugly cry is the automatic one. Where you feel a bit like a toddler because you can’t seem to get the mindspace or find the words to correctly express that which is most bothering you. And, if you are a lucky one that can find those words, they might fall out of your face or speed typing fingers fast enough to shatter the glass. In such a way that they may also never be fully recovered from. You know the kind. The ones that you huffily announce “I’m not going to say anything” while secretly hoping someone gives you an inch of runway so you can speed off like the roadrunner to spew the verbal vomit that will take more than a bucket and a gallon of bleach to eradicate.
Know that you are not the only one that has these days/ weeks/ time in your lives. I’m generally happy go lucky, but I know more than one of these days have hit me lately. I know in my returned to logic self that there are many of us out here and so I write this post for you today. I’m lucky, because I have a best friend made of steel who isn’t afraid to sit and listen to me as I ugly cry. Who helps me find the bright spot or re-frame some of my concerns but doesn’t invalidate them. Who understands that sometimes I’m gonna turn into a human teapot and I don’t need her to fix it but rather just to hear me and help me breathe through it.
If you don’t have that friend or need someone to talk to I (and others) are happy to be here for you. I’ve been told a time or two I am a good listener. I am in no way a professional, but I have a big heart and wide shoulders. There is also a really cool online anonymous counseling site (Disclaimer: I am a registered “listener” with them, but in no way benefit from recommending them).
And if things feel far rougher than that I’d encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
I pray for you that you have someone to help you put your cheese back on your cracker, no matter how banged up, grit filled, or dog hair covered it may be. I’m lucky that I have such a tremendous friend who reminded me the other day after my epic meltdown, the good news is that we are a bunch that really likes cheese and that there are always extra crackers in our midst.